Play Chicken with Life (the Benefits of Vulnerability)
by Bear Elle
I’ve really been playing an ongoing game of chicken with vulnerability for the last year or so. I play with my business, with my relationships, with myself and with the world.
The bad news is I’m not sure that nauseating feeling in your gut ever stops happening. The good news is you get used to it and even come to expect and respect it for what it is, a sign that you are pushing yourself outside your comfort zone.
You can, over time, become somewhat obsessed with it and you may even feel a little depressed if you haven’t been vulnerable enough. I don’t actually know, I’m not a doctor of any sort, this is just my personal experience.
So how exactly do you get good at being vulnerable?
I’m not sure. If you find that book, send it my way. But here’s some ways you can practice that I use in my own life.
- Do things that scare you. This doesn’t mean stick your hand in a blender, smartass. But if you’re trying to decide if you should go skiing with your friend but you are afraid of heights, fucking go. Skiing is typically a safe activity. Fear shouldn’t keep you from skiing if that is something you want to do. Afraid to move to a new place? Believe in your truth. Take the chance.
- Ask questions you don’t know the answers to. Forget if the other person thinks you are a moron. Ask anyway. Too many of us get by with a vague understanding of what something actually is because we are too afraid to ask. We don’t advance in our jobs or careers because we are too afraid to ask. I’m saying- so what, ask. “No” isn’t the scariest word in the world.
- Tell people how you feel. Your feelings are valid and if you feel like someone made you feel that way, tell them. It’s really not about if they agree or apologize or even listen, speak your truth even if your voice shakes.
- Have the hard conversations. You’re literally making yourself sick by not speaking up. Is it easier for someone else if you put it off? Honestly, mostly no. Would you rather have a relationship end when someone is over it? Or would you rather add three years of guilt and shame to that? And for what? It’s actually typically harder if you wait. Rip off the bandage and free everyone involved.
- Wear the bikini. This has been a huge game changer for me this last year. Especially if you are feeling insecure about your body. Wear clothes that fit you, but wear it. No matter what it is. Rock the bikini, wear the bandage dress, wear your dramatic night look to the grocery store at 1pm on a Sunday and watch over time as your self esteem grows in leaps and bounds.
- Give with your whole heart. Your fear here is based on what you get. You don’t give to get. You’ll find in life that when you do get it didn’t even come from that source anyway. Give because it fills your heart with love and expect nothing for it. Because once you expect something back it’s not love, it’s business.
- Remember that no one “knows better.” Even experts in their field will often disagree and everyone is human which means even experts can be swayed by threats, money, greed, pain, fear, and gluttony. Take everyone with a grain of salt, trust your own gut first.
- How someone treats you is a reflection of them. If someone mocks you or makes you feel stupid for doing any of the things on this list, it is because they have a related deep seeded fear or insecurity that you reminded them of and they are reacting. It has nothing to do with you.
I hope this helped. There are many ways to fight feeling vulnerable. If you have other suggestions I’d love to hear them.
Now go out there and be your bad self. I love you. Have a wonderful day. Radiate love.As always, if you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to comment below, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or message me on any of my social media accounts.