Edging is a Lifestyle (the Benefits of Delayed Gratification)

Satisfaction is the death of desire.

We live in a society obsessed with the quick fix. But if you look at how many people love Friday and dread Sunday it's clear we crave anticipation. There's a reason that fairy tales end at Happily Ever After. No one wants to watch the movie about the guy who's life is perfect all the time. Nothing would happen. 
 
I never set out to appreciate delayed gratification. If I'm being honest, I actually did first notice in a sexual context. But I digress. When it comes to day to day social edging, it all kind of came about naturally
 

What is Day to Day Edging?

If you haven't caught on yet, the name is for click bait. Day to day edging is just a kinky way to say delayed gratification.
 
According to britannica.com "delay of gratification" is the act of resisting an impulse to take an immediate available reward in the hope of obtaining a more valuable reward in the future. The ability to delay gratification is essential to self-regulation, or self- control.


There are Many Forms

Sometimes delayed gratification can be something small. Saving the cake for after dinner or buying the new shoes only if you get an A on the final, for example.
 
Other times, delayed gratification is playing the very long game. To get the nice car or house, you have to earn the money to afford them. You have to give up scrolling Facebook, watching that tv show, or taking a nap for the reward your work will bring.


Why Wait Though?

I know it's an old cliche, but things worth having are worth waiting for. More often than not, waiting actually means doing anyway. Sitting on you ass never got anyone anything. You're trading the pleasure of relaxing now for a better life later.
 
You gain new knowledge, new social skills, and an inner strength you can't fake or buy. You have an appreciation for what you have because you gave something to get it.


Spared Feelings

I spent a lot of my adult life not making any plans because I didn't want to be disappointed when it fell through. It actually made me feel embarrassed. Like I'm such a fool for thinking that would actually happen.
 
I thought I was saving myself from hurt. I see it's backwards now. Things fall through. Things don't go as planned. Things fail. Life happens. Learning not to take those little things personally was the real answer to my problem. 
 
I now make the effort to make more plans. I've also learned to keep myself company. Building a business alone gives plenty of time to make friends with yourself. 


So What are the Benefits?

You're happier. Of course, this is a lot to claim. But you do feel better when you have good things to look forward to. I know the current social climate makes things more difficult, but we get close-minded.
 
There is always more opportunity. There are always more events. There are always more people. You don't need them all to work and you don't need everyone to like you.
 
You learn to be self-sufficient. Gone are the days of the gatekeepers. We can Google anything now. We can meet anyone with a few clicks. The game is changing. You learn you have more power than you think.
 
You'll stop waiting for some type of authority to tell you what to do and how and when. 
 
It's kind of fun. It can be a bit of a game you play with yourself. Can you resist the chocolate bar? Can you actually stop after only half a piece? Or better yet, buy it and save the whole thing for a special occasion? Can you write a blog post to post every single day? 
 
You gain invaluable strength. You can't buy or fake that kind of strength. You can only earn it through experience. When you see how much this changes your life, you get a sense of pride. Which leads me to my next point...
 
You enjoy things more. I don't know how else to explain why you would enjoy something you earned more than something that you got for free. I do think it's pretty obvious that you would enjoy something you like if you can only have it on special occasions.
 
Bringing it back around to sexual context, if you masturbate daily it's great. No arguments from me. But if you know you have a hot date on Friday, maybe skip the self love time those last couple days. The anticipation gives you something to look forward to and makes it that much better when you have it.
 
You'll become a better person. I can't even put into words how these things have improved my life. I discover new improvements in myself all the time. 
 
But it's not all sunshine and rainbows. It's not like you're going to read this and then just be like that. Like anything else, it's a regular practice. I fuck up all the time.


How Does One Practice Delayed Gratification?

Since I never set out to discover this, it's hard to pinpoint exactly what I am doing to make it work. Like I said, make it a game you play with yourself. Give yourself rewards. 
 
One of the biggest changes I made that helped me understand this concept was to count calories. This practice gets such a bad rep, but it's tragically undervalued. I wrote more about it here.
 
(Disclaimer: Please consult a doctor before making extreme changes to your diet.)
 
It gave me a handle on my energy and weight. Also, when you put a limit on your calories you have to pick and choose what you are going to have that day to fill that quota. If you eat a 500 calorie piece of cake for breakfast at 9 am, it forces you to think about what you eat the rest of the day. 
 

10/10 I recommend it. I was stubbornly against it and it changed my life. Seriously

It comes down to two questions when practicing. What can I do to move this forward? Or. How long can I wait for...? 
 
If you have any questions or concerns please comment, dm me on social media, or email me at bear@withlovebear.net.

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